Self Love and Boundaries for Healers and Givers

When you provide care and nurture to others, from which aspect of your self does this act stem?  Do you give out of pure compassion, remaining unattached to the results?  Conversely, do you give with the expectation of recognition, award or acknowledgement?   Truthfully speaking, we all identify with the authentic shades of both ends of this dynamic spectrum.  Having both the Ego and our Spirit Selves housed in our existence occasionally results in a struggle. The Ego Self creates an attachment to the results of our giving and can set us up for a dangerous and unnecessary cycle of toxicity, born from the seed of codependency.  That's what I said.  Codependency.  That dreadful word associated with horrible negativity.  Enter now, the Spirit Self, which energetically only knows pure compassion, sending the message from your heart space that to give to others is sacred and beautiful.   

Whether you are a traditional healer, such as a nurse, a non- traditional healer such as a light worker, or the "go-to" person in your family or circle of friends, it is inherently difficult to remain unattached to the results of the care you provide when this act becomes an expectation.  For the giver who has self worth issues and corresponding difficulty with setting limits, which most givers and healers do, it is often more simple to continue giving than to address the issue.  Resentment, Burn Out and Compassion Fatigue undoubtedly ensue.

For example, the nurse who is innately and energetically driven to heal from the compassionate Spirit Self ends up being forced to the attachment of their giving.  Unit protocols, facility bottom lines and increasing responsibilities wound the individuals compassion because the Ego Self is sending up an ugly flag.  A light worker who does not practice regular grounding and balancing self work can find themselves in crisis as well, by blurring the boundaries between themselves and the energies of their clients.  The individual who is the shoulder for their loved one's burdens can find themselves feeling stuck and filled with anger, which can alter these important interpersonal relationships.

The good news is that also housed in your existence, wedged right between the Ego and Spirit Selves, is your authentic key to the door of joyous balance.  On this door reads:  "When I Intend to Love Myself, I Have Healthy Boundaries".


Love for Self energetically creates a renewed sense of healthy and appropriate social and personal boundaries.  You love your Self enough to not invite other's dysfunctions into your space.  You begin utilizing phrases such as, "I will do anything I can for you", instead of "I will do anything for you".  

Self Love work is a life-long process.  For those of us whom gain our self esteem and self worth extrinsically, you won't achieve the state of Self Love overnight, and what a cool blessing that is!  The practice is fun, rewarding, sacred and meaningful.  It shouldn't be over with in a day.  It's chocolate.  It's a hot bath on a cold night. 

It can be frightening to begin this process.  We intuitively know that when we shift our perspectives, so does our behavior.  This can leave our loved ones baffled, and at times can actually affect the longevity of a relationship.  Ponder this News Flash:  A healthy relationship can withstand the shift of growth in one of the parties.  A Toxic relationship usually cannot.  Ask yourself which type of relationship you value, and which you would be better off kissing goodbye.

In terms of traditional healers and givers such as nurses, I'd be giving you horrible advice if I told you that it was acceptable to tell your unit manager or your patient, "Sorry, I cannot do this for you now, I am engaging in Self Love work".  Imagine the reaction!  Ahahaa!  For you, my dear kindreds, I offer these nuggets:

1. Always remember that you are in a lifelong process of Self Love work.
2. Find comfort in this during all of your interactions.
3. When you encounter manipulation, acknowledge and process this internally.  Your statements and actions will begin to shift energetically, while you remain polite and professional within your work environment.  Counteracting with manipulation creates a bitter downward spiral.  Being a practitioner of Self Love work will enable you to respond with your sense of healthy boundaries.
4. When your reactions to others shift, their counter reactions will energetically become more appropriate.
5. You cannot choose who you work with.  You can choose how you will allow their behaviors to affect you.

Be Well, Be Balance, Be Joy.

You Love You!